You ranked honesty and challenge as what you value most in friendships. But the people you actually spend the most time with rank low on both. The friendships that meet your stated values are the ones you see least.

This isn't unusual. Most people drift toward the relationships that ask least of them, while telling themselves they value the ones that ask more. The tension you might have noticed, that comfortable feeling of being slightly bored or unseen with the people you see most is the gap between who you say you want around you and who you've actually chosen. The question isn't whether your friendships are good. They are what they are. The question is whether you're choosing them, or just defaulting to them. (continue reading)…